Worrywart

I'm going to postpone today's intended blogging topic until tomorrow. In its place is something that has been on my mind.

I've written about the intense amount of stress I've been under for about the last month, so I won't go into detail with all that again. Suffice it to say that the work uncertainty and pressures coupled with the noise from the neighboring apartment was a bad combination.

It wasn't enough that I felt lousy. I was also letting my tendency to worry get the best of me. Some pains had me half convinced that maybe I was having some heart problems. A couple spots on my chest surely were indications of some kind of skin cancer. Did I really believe what I would let my imagination concoct? Not necessarily, but I was concerned enough to schedule an appointment to see the doctor. I probably haven't had a regular appointment--in other words, not a follow-up--in something like twenty years. That should say all there is to say about my fear.

My two main concerns proved to be unfounded. My EKG was described as textbook. The doctor's conclusion--and my suspicion when I was being rational--is that muscle tightness in my shoulder is responsible for the pain I've had off and on. The moles (or whatever) are nothing to be worried about. We'll see if the blood work results turn up anything, but my expectation is that they will not.

I had already started to feel a little better after scheduling the appointment, and gradually I've been feeling more "normal" as the work news became less worrisome (which isn't to guarantee it will remain that way). I've had three days where it seems like I'm OK or like I expect to be.

The obvious conclusion then is that I worried myself into feeling bad. I'm not surprised by this--I felt like a wreck long enough--but I am taken aback that my state of mind can have such a profound affect on my physical comfort. If ever there was a lesson about fretting, this was one.

Obviously it's easier said than done when it comes to acknowledging that I should worry less. Old, deeply ingrained habits are hard to break, but if there's anything I've learned today or in the past week, it's that I need to let go of those fears. I'm not doing myself any favors otherwise.