Churches off the interstate

Moving to a new apartment also meant that it was time to find a new home church. I'd been going to the current one for a couple years. I liked it despite being anonymous and out of place. It's a simple matter of numbers that being young and single puts me in the church attendee minority, so I didn't hold their old people-and-families demo against them. I was put off that I e-mailed a few questions to the contact person for the small group for people in my age range--I don't think it was exclusive to singles--and never heard a peep, but maybe that told me all I needed to know.

So I approached my new location as an opportunity to search for a church, something I've really never done. The place I attended off and on in college became the place I attended more regularly once I was out of school. After being dissatisfied with it for awhile--a really old congregation plus a more conservative viewpoint coming from the pulpit did the trick--I decided to give another one a try. I walked in one Sunday and kept coming back. Honestly, I think I was expecting the same thing to happen when I began this search, but I ended up being more selective.

I went to the denomination's home page, plugged in my zip code, and pulled up a few options. I checked websites to see if I could get a feel for what they might be like, but the real test was to show up on Sunday and see for myself. The first church I attended was in a newer part of the suburb. Likewise, the church looked pretty new. The congregation was decidedly younger than what I was used to seeing, although it was predominantly couples with kids. I stuck out like a sore thumb, which isn't to say anyone noticed. Nope, I got in and out of there with little more than being handed a bulletin.

The service itself was fine, although too much of it was dedicated to stuff to do with kids' programs. In that regard I happened upon the wrong Sunday. The choir was really small. The young associate pastor had his sleeves rolled up just so as part of a carefully manufactured look that conveyed Contemporary Casual Church, something I would learn is a clear trend in worship these days. The space itself kind of felt like a sanctuary but kind of felt like a boxy conference hall.

Despite going unnoticed, I intended to go back the following week. Judging a church on one week probably isn't fair, even if I got the sense that I didn't fit. To me it seemed like a church for Desperate Housewives. I observed that many of those in the pews were likely in income brackets several higher than mine. (The parking lot alone was a telltale sign.) The people and place felt too polished, if that makes any sense.

For week two I elected to check out a different church. It too was relatively new and made from the same mold as the previous one. There was even a Contemporary Casual associate pastor with the rolled up sleeves. Again, the service itself was OK, if a little too contemporary for my tastes. Also, while it makes me sound like a film snob, I cringed when Patch Adams was brought into the sermon for demonstrating the point. I loathed that film. More discouraging was the fact that I didn't speak to a soul the entire time I was there. I didn't even get an attendance pad to sign. This may sound crazy, but I didn't rule this church out because I felt a little more comfortable there.

I located an old church nearby, so for week three I thought I'd make a break from these big box churches. Contrary to most my age--or at least what I perceive is the case--I favor a traditional service. I find it more comforting and less affected. I dislike the forced displays of emotionalism--the Shiny Happy People dimension--and the wispy songs that lack the strong, clean chords of old hymns. (Yes, in part it's because I don't like the music.) This church has been around in some form or another for almost two hundred years, so it was going to be right up my alley.

The sanctuary felt like a place of worship than a multipurpose area, and the service delivered what I wanted. I wasn't thrilled at the median age of the congregation. I was easily one of the youngest people there. Once more I came and went without being acknowledged. I don't remember if the minister asked if anyone was there for the first time, something I can't bring myself to respond to, but the fact is that I was getting pretty aggravated about being a ghost.

I went to a different church for the fourth consecutive week. I believe it has been around for awhile, but as far as I can tell, it has been remodeled in the modern style. Yet there are enough traditional elements in the sanctuary that made it feel like the right mix of yesterday and today. The spartan attendance and creaky congregants at the traditional service were not encouraging. I realize that I'm not going to come upon a church with a lot of people my age, but it would be nice to find somewhere I'm not the youngest person in the pew by thirty years.

A couple days later I received an e-mail from someone at this fourth church. Believe it or not, this was the first time I was contacted by anyone at the churches I visited. (Church #2 didn't have any way of contacting me, although that's a problem in and of itself.) I replied by saying that I liked what I heard from the pulpit but that I was also looking for a church with people my age. This person suggested going to the contemporary service. I decided that it couldn't hurt, so I went the following week.

Someone actually talked to me, which was nice for a change. The pew-fillers were younger too. I still prefer the usual old hymns, but the rock-style songs had more muscle than the contemporary hymns I've objected to on aesthetic grounds. I felt like this church was worth giving a chance, something I had confirmed to me on the following Saturday. I had a knock on my door. It was someone from the church who had come to give me a loaf of bread and some information about the church, something they do after one has attended twice. I wasn't looking for churches to woo me, but I appreciated that my attendance had been noticed.

I got information about the young adults group, which meets one weeknight each month. In spite of being nervous about going to it, I decided that I needed to do it. I found the room where everyone was supposed to be meeting. The lights were off, and no one was around. In an effort to find out what was going on I tracked down someone who was helping with Vacation Bible School. The small group meeting was on the schedule, but apparently it had been pushed back a week, something I couldn't know having never been there before. You would think this search would be a lot easier, wouldn't you?

I returned the next week and had to check three or four doors before finding one that was unlocked. I got to the room, and again it was dark and empty. I walked down the hall and found the youth pastor's office. I asked him about the meeting. It turns out that he and his wife lead the nascent young adults group, and the others who were there for the meeting were in his office.

It wasn't a big group. The three others included two college students, one who had transferred from where I work and knew at least one student I did, and one soon-to-be freshman. This wasn't what I was hoping to find. The small group discussion went well enough, although it was very obvious that I was in a much different spot than everyone else there. I was also the oldest person in the room. Churches don't know what to do with people my age and in my situation.

I've continued to go to this church and plan to feel it out for awhile, but the people I "know" has dwindled by two. (The youth pastor resigned this week.) I took a fairly unprecedented step for me and stuck around after this morning's service for brunch in the fellowship hall. My invisibility shield must have been up again as I got my food, ate, and left without any contact. Predictably, the brunch bunch consisted of families with little ones and the older crowd, so there's not anything unusual about that.

Congratulations if you've made it this far in this epic entry. I'm afraid, though, that there is no reward here. This is a post without a direction. It says what it says, and probably something more, but there's no grand summation.