Manic depression

I know, I know, another work-related entry. Maybe this will let me get some things off my chest and let me move on, at least until next week.

Here's the situation, with details kept to a minimum because that seems wisest. Two Fridays ago I got some news at work that wasn't job-threatening but at least planted the seed of potential problems if numbers don't recover. That was fleshed out a little more the following Monday. I went from feeling 100% secure in my job to, let's say, 90%. Maybe 85%. Regardless, the possibility of job loss was not one that seemed like something I needed to be too concerned about in upcoming months. This isn't to say that my mind took this nugget and ran with it, but after a Tuesday meeting in which we brainstormed some ideas, calming down seemed like a reasonable reaction.

Last Friday brought information tangentially related (but not really) to the news from the previous one. This was much more serious, though. Drop my job security comfort level to at least 75%. That may still seem high, but losing a quarter of my confidence is a substantial amount. It's like shifting from a tornado watch to a tornado warning. One indicates that the circumstances could produce a twister; the other suggests that one has been spotted or that conditions are favorable for them.

So I went from being on alert, which is stressful enough, to emergency mode. On the one hand, I think we have a perfectly reasonable and smart argument to make for our survival. On the other, I realize that rationality doesn't always factor into these equations, especially if it comes down to dollars and cents. Feeling good, not feeling so good.

The thing is, if the change that may very likely be on the horizon comes to pass, it could be exactly what my co-workers and I welcome. The manner in which this has been kickstarted is not at all agreeable, but the end result could put us in a much better position than the one we're in now and have occupied for a long time. That is really exciting, and it's what helps me get through the days as I think about ways to implement a radical reinvention. Or I could end up without a job. That probably wouldn't happen overnight, but it could be the case in less than a year.

I'm in my 14th year at this job. I like what I do. I feel incredibly lucky to have landed in it, especially having floated through temp work for nearly two years after graduating. I see how others I know have jobs that aren't particularly satisfying. I'm grateful to be doing something I enjoy. I don't want to lose that, especially due to some of the crap that may be endangering it.

So I'm up and down, usually several times in the same day. It's exhausting, not the least of which is because this has meant additional work to cobble together a plan for changing things if that's the direction this is headed.

One answer about the future may be coming next Tuesday. I don't know. I'm guessing that this will all be touch and go for at least a couple months. Oh joy.

So hang with me. I'll try not to let this color too much of my posting. (Too late for that, right?) Now you should have a better idea of why I'm moodier than usual on here.