Manic depression

I know, I know, another work-related entry. Maybe this will let me get some things off my chest and let me move on, at least until next week.

Here's the situation, with details kept to a minimum because that seems wisest. Two Fridays ago I got some news at work that wasn't job-threatening but at least planted the seed of potential problems if numbers don't recover. That was fleshed out a little more the following Monday. I went from feeling 100% secure in my job to, let's say, 90%. Maybe 85%. Regardless, the possibility of job loss was not one that seemed like something I needed to be too concerned about in upcoming months. This isn't to say that my mind took this nugget and ran with it, but after a Tuesday meeting in which we brainstormed some ideas, calming down seemed like a reasonable reaction.

Last Friday brought information tangentially related (but not really) to the news from the previous one. This was much more serious, though. Drop my job security comfort level to at least 75%. That may still seem high, but losing a quarter of my confidence is a substantial amount. It's like shifting from a tornado watch to a tornado warning. One indicates that the circumstances could produce a twister; the other suggests that one has been spotted or that conditions are favorable for them.

So I went from being on alert, which is stressful enough, to emergency mode. On the one hand, I think we have a perfectly reasonable and smart argument to make for our survival. On the other, I realize that rationality doesn't always factor into these equations, especially if it comes down to dollars and cents. Feeling good, not feeling so good.

The thing is, if the change that may very likely be on the horizon comes to pass, it could be exactly what my co-workers and I welcome. The manner in which this has been kickstarted is not at all agreeable, but the end result could put us in a much better position than the one we're in now and have occupied for a long time. That is really exciting, and it's what helps me get through the days as I think about ways to implement a radical reinvention. Or I could end up without a job. That probably wouldn't happen overnight, but it could be the case in less than a year.

I'm in my 14th year at this job. I like what I do. I feel incredibly lucky to have landed in it, especially having floated through temp work for nearly two years after graduating. I see how others I know have jobs that aren't particularly satisfying. I'm grateful to be doing something I enjoy. I don't want to lose that, especially due to some of the crap that may be endangering it.

So I'm up and down, usually several times in the same day. It's exhausting, not the least of which is because this has meant additional work to cobble together a plan for changing things if that's the direction this is headed.

One answer about the future may be coming next Tuesday. I don't know. I'm guessing that this will all be touch and go for at least a couple months. Oh joy.

So hang with me. I'll try not to let this color too much of my posting. (Too late for that, right?) Now you should have a better idea of why I'm moodier than usual on here.

Darkness on the edge of town

The dark clouds in the news and around the office have me concerned. How much of it is real and how much of it is overreaction or self-fulfilling prophecy is hard to say. It's not necessarily one particular thing but the constant drumbeat of negativity that's beginning to get to me.

I learned something today at work that evolved from initially disappointing to potentially troublesome. Perhaps we are misunderstanding what we know and it won't be as big of a problem as it seems. Perhaps it is as bad as we think it might be. At this point more information is needed, but even if it turns out to be something minor, I could do without this uncertainty and worry in the meantime.

I'll allow for the fact that it could feel worse because I am tired from the busy academic quarter and all of the work I've been doing. Still, when there's a sense that a lot of people are on pins and needles, it reinforces the idea that my perceptions aren't overblown.

(I'm being vague on purpose, but I want to make it clear that my job isn't in jeopardy, to my knowledge. Today's news, which arrives on the heels of some other stuff, could mean that doing my job may become more difficult, not that it won't be there.)

For crying out loud

I'm in the final week of the quarter at work. During this time I usually see an increase in activity regarding some of my responsibilities, but the regular stuff stays pretty consistent. Between yesterday and today, though, it's as though the proverbial ceiling collapsed.

Important things that students were entrusted to do were not accomplished even though they have successfully been doing said things all quarter long. Unfortunately I catch the flack from the public when students do not meet expectations. To the students I am the disappointed parent while to the public I am the child to be scolded. Never mind that my job is to put the students in a position of responsibility and allow them to succeed, hopefully, but to fail if they choose less wisely.

The unexpected and unwarranted outbreak of failures piled up the last two days and has brought a discouraging end to the quarter. I won't even bother going into the bitter adult (by which I mean student of a nontraditional age who could be my father) whose joy comes in telling us we do everything the wrong way or the high school mentorship students who have stretched the truth, to put it in generous terms, to their teacher regarding how much time they've spent under my tutelage. So much wasted time, so much wasted energy trying to clean it up.

But hey, one of my Blue Jackets package tickets was for tonight's game, so that ought to be a nice break from it all. Well, it would have been if they hadn't gotten pasted 7-2.

Wednesday's got to be better after all this in the first two days of the week...

Perspective prescription

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about these crazy times and the relation of my bad mood to them. I should clarify that I'm not worried...yet...about what the economic chatter might mean. (Maybe it's because I don't really understand it.) I was griping because I was tired and grumpy from a couple long work days and having my break from the grind being an aggravation due to concertgoers intent to ruin the experience. Plus, being in a battleground state, it's hard to avoid the mudslinging in the Presidential campaign. (Is it me or has this been a really nasty campaign?)

Nevertheless, your comments reminded me to be thankful for what is in my favor. I am debt-free. I own my car. My job should be relatively secure, although there's the potential for things to get dicey if a tax issue fails on Election Day. Where I call home should not be threatened even if things take a dip because the rental company is fairly big and appears to be doing well, not that I have any way of knowing. The latest polls regarding Obama's likelihood of winning are heartening, although who knows if they can be trusted.

Sure, work can take the wind out of my proverbial sails, especially at the beginning of the week. While it can be tiring, I feel like things there have stabilized (mostly) and are on an upswing after a rocky couple of years. I also feel like I'm doing better work and being more valuable to the students. I never really know how I'm doing, and I can be extremely tough in evaluating myself. So for me to acknowledge this is saying something.

I could continue to fume about a certain knitting site that's been stealing my posts for months (and will probably swipe this one), but that's wasted energy. I'll have another crack at not having the concert experience ruined when I see My Morning Jacket and Fleet Foxes next week. (Yes, it's ridiculous that I'll have gone to three shows in ten days. No complaints here.) For better or worse, the Presidential hysteria will be over in little more than a month. (It will, right?)

Sorry, no knitting to report as I haven't had time for it since Sunday. I'll try to get back on task and be more pleasant next time.

Scraping

Since I don't know how many of you read the comments--and since I responded late in the game--I wanted to follow up on last night's venting. As I wrote in the comments to that post:

I don't believe that common courtesy is dead, but I do think that acting with disregard for others in public is more prevalent. Perhaps society as a whole will figure out how to integrate technology and politeness. Maybe it won't.

But so help me, with as much time as I'm in movie theaters, I've observed plenty of thoughtless behavior. Age doesn't play into it either. I've seen senior citizens answering phone calls and carrying on conversations from their seats.

Anyway, I was pretty steamed about those jokers last night.

That's not much of a post for today, but I'm worn out from a very busy day. I'll also cop to being exhausted by Presidential politics, predictions of economic doom and gloom (and worse), and astonishingly inept Cincinnati Bengals football. (OK, I'm joking about that last one, but watching that bumbling team is as close as one can come to getting depressed from spectator sports.)

So I'm going to watch some TV and try to recharge for tomorrow. How are you holding up in this most interesting and most vexing of times?

Common courtesy is dead

Tonight I headed downtown to see The Cardinals in concert at the Palace Theatre. For all intents and purposes, though, it was a Ryan Adams concert. His comments from the stage suggest he'd rather have released the forthcoming Cardinology and last year's Easy Tiger under the name of his backing band. The label likely insisted that his name has more commercial clout and nixed its removal from the covers. Nevertheless, the concert was booked under the band's name.

Adams had a reputation for being mercurial on stage, at least until he sobered up. The performer up there tonight was laid back and seemed pretty happy throughout the two sets covering nearly two and a half hours, but Adams did take a few moments to address something that I've often thought must irritate artists. When one particularly vocal audience member yelled repeatedly for a specific song, Adams stopped and explained why he thought it was rude, although he did it in an amusing, rather than obnoxious, way.

He hoped that what they were playing was taking people on an entertaining ride and that they would just enjoy the journey. He said that he wasn't up there instructing everyone how to sit in their seats between each song. (I've always thought that screaming for a song is a way to ensure that a band doesn't play it.) As someone who has gone to my share of concerts, I've often been bugged by such concertgoers, who come across as very demanding and/or smug. (Ooh, you know about some rare songs. Points for you, buddy!)

If only this was the most atrocious behavior of people in the audience. Sadly, no. In some unknown way that I have of attracting such specimens, three or four of them took up residence behind me shortly before the concert started. Then they proceeded to talk through the first fifty minutes, frequently cracking vulgar jokes and acknowledging their obnoxiousness. They knew they were annoying people, and they let everyone know that they didn't care. Finally, a belligerent guy in the row in front of me yelled back at them, which quieted them a bit but apparently gave license to the couple in front of me to start chatting.

It never ceases to amaze me that people will go to concerts and behave like they are in their living rooms. Of course, the movies are just as bad. Saturday morning I went to see Eagle Eye with the thought that the theater would be free of audience distractions. (Half of the film overlapped with the Ohio State football game.) Only five other people were in attendance, but wouldn't you know it, two people pulled out their bright, glowing, distracting iPhones during the film and browsed and texted for as long as ten minutes at a time. One guy pulled his out again as the film reached the pivotal scene. I saw someone else leave around this time, thinking that she was going to complain to a theater employee. Nope. When I left at film's end, I saw that she had just gone to the rear of the auditorium to mess around on her phone. At least she got out of the line of sight.

This kind of rudeness--and I won't get into cell phones in the classroom--to know that it's commonplace and seemingly considered acceptable. If so, common courtesy is dead.

(Tonight does let me strike off another of my greatest concerts never. Since I don't know if I'd bother to see Oasis if they rolled into town, I'm glad I've been able to check Ryan Adams and Radiohead off the list after missing shows I had tickets to.)

Cake wreck

If I could have turned around and gone home after thirty minutes at work today, I would have been very tempted. It was one of those days when the ceiling comes crashing in and then, for good measure, the walls topple and floor collapses.

While everyone and their mothers were out on Friday, IT replaced two office computers, one of which functions as the server for a critical program. If this computer is out of the network, the program ceases to work on all of the others...and it just so happened that I needed this software for a show taping later in the day. (Never mind that I also had to write all of my scripts for the show and do the requisite video editing, which I figured would keep me occupied.)

Then I learned that the station was not on the air. Following the regular steps was not rectifying the matter. By the way, the hard line connection to the government building was bad again after being repaired last week and being needed expressly for this evening. And did I mention that I was the only one in the office until late in the work day?

This is the sound of my head exploding.

Everything got worked out one way or another, some from my ability to improvise and some due to others coming through when needed, but I felt like tonight was the right time to try out the fabled 5-minute chocolate mug cake recipe I'd seen on the Ravelry message boards. If it worked, this would be the ideal cake--no leftovers--to make myself for my imminent birthday.

The gist of it is that you mix the ingredients in a coffee cup and stick it in the microwave for a quick cycle. Then, cake! It sounded suspect to me, but what did I have to lose if it didn't work?

I'll grant that I used all-purpose flour rather than cake flour--like I'd ever use enough of that to have it on hand--but I did everything else by the book (assuming that high on my appliance equals 1000 watts). I watched it for the first minute to make sure that the blasted thing didn't explode inside the microwave and then came back two minutes later to check out the result.

Sure enough, there was something that looked cake-like in the mug. Amazing! Or maybe not. It was largely flavorless and spongy like all get out. Which isn't to suggest that I didn't eat all of it. I did. But I didn't like it.

Oh well. Disasters averted.