Monday, September 20, 2010

Living on the edge

When it comes to my job, the problematic issues are generally the same and have been for a number of years. (Pardon me for being extremely general here.) Things can be quiet for a bit, but eventually something triggers someone, and the heat is on, oftentimes over things that aren't really our fault. It can be aggravating and stressful--some times more than others--and there's always the sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. A few years ago these issues were persistent, and while the future may not have been uncertain, there was at least reason to think it could be.

So when a new issue from a different direction popped up, I did not take it so well. My reaction mainly took the form of worrying, which I am ever so good at. Hey, I was already fretting about other unrelated stuff, so why not add something new and unexpected to the mix? That'll give the fear a boost. Put it over the weekend and not talk about it with anyone, and I'm set for letting my mind run wild.

I'll concede that my impulse is to expect the worst and to extrapolate something bigger and badder from something that may not be as dire as I imagine it to be. This quality isn't necessarily a good thing to have, but it can be beneficial in my job, which might be described as metaphorical fireman.

Things have been extremely busy lately, and I was already feeling somewhat beaten down in a few ways. This new weight on my mind was not welcome. I had the old brain spinning in search of a solution and think I might have one or two to present at a meeting tomorrow. That has me feeling better, but waiting to see how it's received has me anxious.

I've spent a lot of time living on the edge--or at least feel like I have--so in a way I ought to be used to it by now. I don't know that that's much comfort. Anyway, if I seem highly distracted, there's your explanation.

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