Sports talk

Since I have no idea at what late hour I'll be getting home from tonight's Spoon concert, you get an early, non-knitting post.

A question on Donia's blog grabbed my attention: is sports the main form of bonding between males?

There's usually at least a kernel of truth in all sweeping generalizations. That's how conventional wisdom and stereotypes come to be accepted. My reflex is to give an affirmative answer to the question, but is it even true in my own experience?

I read a lot as a kid. I started at an early age and was apparently so taken with books that my parents feared I was going to be an egghead. (The comment didn't reflect anti-intellectualism on their part, but the word must have stung for me to be able to recall it even now.) To their relief, I got into sports while retaining my love of reading.

I was never the most gregarious child--to a lesser degree, the same is true of the adult me--so sports smoothed the way to interact with others. Being a fan of the Reds, Bengals, and Dayton Flyers was something I could share with my dad and the community. Playing Little League and pick-up games were easy ways to get to know other boys my age.

Competing in and following sports provides plenty to discuss. Unless you're dealing with trivia, there are rarely, if ever, definitive answers when it comes to sports talk. It's just opinions, and non-threatening ones at that, especially when compared to politics and religion, two topics people take as seriously. Oh, I know people get worked up about sports, but in casual conversation it's a safer subject than most. It's something to talk about without getting personal.

Most of my male friends then and now are interested in sports. Frequently it's the center of conversation. Sports and pop culture probably do battle to be the primary source of discussion. Certainly it's true in groups, but it's also the case one-on-one.

Gender stereotypes would have us believe that men don't talk about their feelings. My experiences tell me that a lot of guys are uncomfortable opening up and hearing someone else do so. I can think of instances when I've needed to talk about something and had trouble getting male friends to listen because it was something that couldn't be kept beyond arm's length. Sports allow bonding on an unspoken level, which is how many would like to keep it.

Similar personalities and backgrounds are major factors in all relationship formation, but for many males, I think that sports participation, observation, and discussion is on the next highest level. I don't believe that it is always a conscious decision but rather has more to do with our acculturation.