This Perfect World

The last of the reader-contributed memes gets answered tonight, and boy is it a dangerous one. Jennifer asked, " What is your idea of the perfect meal, date, vacation, job, etc...you can call the post Mark's Perfect World : )"

Perfection and I have a tricky relationship. For better and for worse, I am a perfectionist, a pragmatist, and a romantic. There are enough contradictions in that last sentence to make your head spin, so I'll give you a moment to wrap your brain around them all.

Maybe the easiest way to explain it is that I hold myself to high standards, acknowledge that achieving such is rarely possible, but strive for it nevertheless. My perfectionism is pointed internally, which I suppose is better since if it were directed outward I would be perpetually disappointed in all I encounter. That's not how it is. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm more forgiving of shortcomings in others than I am in myself.

All right, then. If I'm trying to attain perfection, what specifically am I chasing? And here's where the unsatisfactory answer comes and where it ties in with the meme: I don't know. I have a vague idea, but I can't say it's something I dwell on. Perhaps it all gets back to what I was talking about with the surviving vs. thriving perspective.

What would be the perfect meal? Food I like with good company. What would be the perfect date? Having one would be a good place to start. What would be the perfect vacation? I'd like to go to Europe, but you know what, my trip to Arkansas in August was pretty good in its own way.

What would be the perfect job? Ah, there's something I might be able to pin down a little more, mainly because, at least in my mind, I was faced with the possibility of having to look for one. In spite of the issues where I am now, I have it pretty good. I can come and go as I please within reason. I do a variety of things over the course of the day and the week. I get to indulge my passion for writing and movies. Hopefully I make a positive impact on a student or two. I'd like to have more time to write and less time dealing with the bureaucratic aspects, but join the club, right? We've been here before, but I suppose in an ideal world I'd be writing, period.

Sorry Jennifer. I know you proposed the questions in good fun, and I had to go and spoil it with a weighty answer. But I can't say I give much thought to singular perfection because I am amenable to perfection in multiplicities. It's hard, though, for me to start rattling off those many abstract answers. If that seems like a dodge, well, it isn't.

Sorry to everyone else for the run of deep, introspective posts of late. My intellectualized bellyaching is helpful to me, but I feel like I shouldn't be putting it on you all. I guess you wouldn't return if it bothered you, but still, I'll try to keep the carping about this stuff to a minimum if I can. After all, surely I'll mess up some knitting project soon enough to provide me with the opportunity to blow off some steam.