Starring as the secret knitter...

I'm totally blanking on something to write about tonight. Luckily I still have two "ask the secret knitter" questions in reserve. This time I turn to Miss Ewe, who asks, " In the movie version of your life, who would play you? (assuming that any actor would jump at the chance...)"

This would seem to be a relatively easy question for me, but the main reason I've delayed in answering it is that I had no idea. If you want to go with similarity in looks, I would name Douglas Dick without hesitation. This would have to be the late 1940s, though.

I was startled to see him in Alfred Hitchcock's Rope because I thought his facial structure resembled mine quite a bit. It was eerie seeing an old movie with someone who reminded me of me. I haven't seen the film in years, so I'm curious if I'd still agree. The best picture I can find is this one. I look like him, or he like me, around the eyes for sure. Overall, who knows?

He wasn't a big star--I doubt I've seen him in anything else--but he amassed plenty of TV credits. His IMDB triva entry describes him as "earnest, soulful-looking 'second lead' of post-war filming". That sounds all right to me and apt in its own way.

But that answer isn't much fun because you don't know who he is and I don't either. Some people used to tell me I looked like Tom Hanks, but I haven't heard that in a long time. As far as personality and how I might hope to be seen, I was going to say John Cusack, but I balked at committing to that answer. He would certainly be in on the audition process, but I'm not entirely sold on him for the part.

Finally, I determined who would be right: Matt Damon. I don't look like him. In fact, the first time I saw him in a film I thought he looked like my best friend from childhood through high school. It's more of how he projects himself on screen as a thinker.

Although you didn't ask, Whit Stillman would direct the film. His sensibility--witty, modest, and unaffected--would be just right, at least in an idealized version of how I view myself. Since it is inevitable that he wouldn't be able to do the project--he hasn't made a film in nine years--then I'd turn the reins over to Wes Anderson. He's more of a hipster--that meaningless, but trendy, dirty word--than me, but his dry sense of humor would get the tone right.